Tuesday, April 16, 2013

A Bomb Through The Eyes Of A Child

I have had experience of two bombs in my life.  Both of the experiences have left a photographic if surreal imprint in my memory.  I have been listening today to interviews with those present or in the vicinity of the Boston Marathon Bombs and it has brought back those memories into the forefront of my mind, and the thoughts of what fear must have gone through the mind of my father that day.

It was 17th of May 1974.  My family had taken the trip to Dublin city centre to shop for errands.  In those days that's what shopping was.  It was an occasional occurrence, you had a list of essential items to purchase, often including material or yarn with which to make clothes for the children, and you bought them. Then you went home. The children didn't get treats in every shop...or in any shop for that matter, unless it had already been planned and budgeted for. Families in Ireland were short of money in the 1970s.

All of my family were there except for the eldest, my then 14 year old brother who had decided to stay at home to study for his state exams which were approaching a few weeks later. My father parked in the usual car park, a reasonably priced large park manned by a little pay-booth located to the back of Henry St, now the location of The Ilac Centre Shopping Centre.  I'll always remember the cobbled, roundy-stoned dusty surface of that car park, and I'm pretty sure my father does too...since he probably counted every stone in it a few hours later.

Our day seemed uneventful.  My mother needed some items in Arnotts, a slightly more up-market store which would be more fun from her point of view.  She discussed with Daddy whether she should go there first but they decided to get the more mundane items out of the way first, a decision which might possibly have saved all our lives. My mother was about the same age as I am now. My four sisters and I tramped around the necessary shops following my parents.  Men's trousers in Boyers.  Fabric for a dress for my sister in Hickeys.  We then went to the treasure trove for mothers of young families...Guineys on Talbot St., where you could buy children's vests and knickers, nylons,  tea-towels, bed-linen and all sorts of household essentials which were generally good quality at reasonable prices. As usual we spent quite some time there as my mother had quite a list.

Finally we went to Parnell St where there was a little shop which sold sheet music where my father bought some music books for piano and for teaching his pupils in the school where he was the principal.




 I remember this shop very well because my youngest sister, then 2, got momentarily lost and waited where she was as instructed until my parents retrieved her from outside the door of the shop, a little Georgian building with several steps up to the front door.  I may be wrong but I think the building may have been duck-egg blue with a navy door.

My parents remembered this shop very well too because they paused to buy an evening newspaper from the street-seller near the music shop.

With the essentials done my father said he'd take the little ones back to the car so that my mother and two older sisters could do the rest of the shopping without the fractious tiredness of the smaller children.  I was the eldest of those three.  This was a great occasion I remember because my father bought the three of us ice-cream cones, a very special treat.

After a while, when the two smallest sisters were either asleep or playing in the back of the car I was sitting beside my father in the passenger seat.  Time was ticking on and my mother and sisters should be back soon.

Then, out of the blue we heard a tremendous bang.  I thought it sounded like builders had dropped a huge steel girder from a height.  I clearly remember my father say in shock

"That's a bomb!"

Within seconds, from right behind the buildings near us I saw a huge mushroom cloud of smoke. I can't remember the immediate time frame but very soon after that people came running in panic to their cars and drove away from the vicinity as quickly as possible. I don't remember the second bang but my father does...the bomb which killed, among others, the newspaper seller.

My father told the three of us to lie face down in the back of the car and he covered us with his big anorak which he always kept in the car.  At this stage I could hear the three different sirens of police, fire engines and ambulances.

And we waited...

...and waited...

...the sound of cars speeding out of the car-park faded into the distance, leaving...us..the only car left in the car-park...

...silence and sirens...

....and we waited...

It's only now as an adult I can appreciate the terror my father must have felt waiting in that silent car-park for his young wife and two eldest daughters.  He couldn't risk leaving to look for them as he couldn't endanger his youngest children.  He must have been frozen in fear.

Finally, the three returned,  bags in hand, completely bewildered as to what was happening. They had been inside a large department store the whole time and had heard nothing until they made to return to the car.

So with his five little daughters lying face down in the car, my father left for home, not knowing whether he was driving to safety or into more bombs.  The quays, the route out of Dublin was choc-a-bloc with cars and ambulances trying to get through.  It must have been a singularly terrifying experience for my parents.

Meanwhile, my brother back home had the television on in the background while he was studying.  There was only one TV station at the time which was interrupted by the newsflash announcing multiple deaths and injuries at the very shop he knew my mother always went to, Guineys.

We had no telephone and neither did any of our neighbours so there was nothing he could do but stand on the step...for several hours...to find out whether his family were ever coming home.

This was my 1st Holy Communion taken one month later.

Other families weren't so lucky.

Here's a short little tribute to the 33 who died that day, including an entire young family, parents and their two baby girls.  A nine-month unborn baby was later acknowledged as the 34th victim.




I was in close proximity to another bomb as a young adult, along with my parents again and one of the sisters who had been 'missing' that day in 1974.  We were returning from visiting my Grandmother and aunt in Northern Ireland and I was availing of the opportunity for some driving experience.  We were passing the border military checkpoint with the patrol soldier examining my driving licence when a bomb went off a very short distance away, missing the target of the soldier.  We were in very real danger but I do not want to write about it.  I saw unbridled terror in that young boy's face that day, I would never like to see that again.

Thankfully nobody was hurt in that incident.

Please pray for victims of terrorism, no matter where they are in the world.  It is almost always innocent people and children who suffer from this terrible terrible blight on our planet.

May God forgive the people who carry out these acts.



Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Gratitude And Lack Thereof

This is the Easter Season which I really love.  It's powerful, solemn and then the great joy of Easter Sunday.  What's not to love about it?  During these weeks I'd say people read the Gospels more than at any other time of the year in order to more fully experience Easter.  This year, though, I have been thinking more about another Gospel story...that of the ten lepers, of whom only one came back to say thanks.  And why am I thinking of this story at this time?  I'll tell you why.  But first to refresh your memory...have a little look at this...

...I'll wait for you...




...did you watch it? You did? Ok...

Well when we hear this story I think most of us like to align ourselves with the leper who came back to say thanks.  Like in any story with a moral, we'd always do whatever it was the good guy did.  Nobody likes to think of themselves as the shoddy, the lazy...or the ungrateful.

When I started this blog, I promised my Facebook friends that it would be a Louise-Free Zone as I figured (and still do) that there must be people who are sick to the teeth of hearing about her, however inspirational her story may be.  I also wanted to write about other things unconnected to her...things my life's experiences have taught me...things I think about and then the home 'stuff' which is good to help uplift the culturally demeaned opinion of work traditionally associated with mothers and women and the homes in which most of us abide. If I write even in a light-hearted way about my many mistakes and flaws, it's not for the dirty-linen-washing value, it's for the sake of the lesson to be learned from them.

So that said, I am now realising that to totally ban mention of probably the most life-changing and profound experience of my life from this blog would be something of a lack of authenticity.  I haven't managed it anyway as she has been mentioned on and off since the start anyway, one cannot just compartmentalise one's life....this event to this Pinboard...this event to that one...that's a fault in our Western Culture which has led to so many problems...dividing the human person into parts as though they had no connection to each other...the body...the psyche...the soul...so much damage.  So while this most definitely is not Louise's blog, a lot of the lessons I've learned are as a result of her...including this one which shocked even ME.

Read on....

As you may know, Louise was diagnosed with two major anomalies in the womb.  A heart one and a brain one.  You can just imagine the heartfelt prayers that followed.  Actually, you probably can't because I would never have imagined the depth of pleading with God I was capable of.  I never cared as much before you see.  I prayed and prayed and prayed...please save her...please cure her...

I still accepted whatever was going to present itself on our plate but it's permissible to pray for anything it's permissible to hope for.  And my goodness, did I HOPE.  I prayed our little girl wouldn't die, I prayed the children could cuddle her alive, I prayed she'd survive her surgeries, I prayed she wouldn't be disabled...or disfigured (because the thought of people turning their eyes away from her in the pram in embarrassment  broke my heart) I prayed she'd be pretty...not out of vanity but because whatever she could have on her side I wanted that for her.  I prayed she'd have a tough personality and not a placid temperament too accepting of her disadvantage...I prayed that people would love her.

And while I was praying all these things, my human faults were fighting with me.  Oh yes, we were great, and super and brave and so on and so on...but I was honestly ready to put my fist through the face of the next person who told us that God had specially chosen us...as though Christianity was a computer game.  We'd reached level 10 and had now unlocked our new weapon...the disabled child...

I still don't buy the theory that God made our child sick...He allows it and I can clearly see the great good resulting from her sufferings, but I don't think He was rewarding us by breaking our child.  I really don't think that's how God operates.

Anyway...back to my pleadings with God...there were times when I doubted my own faith in my prayers.  I 100% believed that God could cure Louise...but I didn't think He would.  Because quite quickly I could see the good she was doing and I thought that maybe she was doing more good sick than she would do were she well.  Then I thought that maybe me thinking that was actually preventing her cure because 'If you had faith as small as a mustard seed...' (Matt 17~20) (the colon/semi-colon button on my computer is broken!)
These are all the meandering thoughts I had during those heady months and thank God for John who patiently listened at length to my faulty thinking and reassured me time and again that God is not sitting there waiting for us to be perfect before He decides what best to do.

So when Louise was born we were prepared for a very sick, disabled child who would require intervention to live and that any milestones she were to reach would only be with huge input from therapists of every sort.

What we got was a child
...who required intervention to live..
...who is not disfigured (her face-mark is not always noticeable)
...who is pretty...
...who is definitely equipped with one tough personality...
and who is not disabled.

And this is where the 10 lepers comes in.

When I returned from the appointment with her neurologist who told us he felt that Louise would develop as a typical child with no neurological problems....



...I cannot believe what I heard coming out of my mouth...

"If He was going to cure her wouldn't you think He'd have cured the thing that could kill her!"

It was such an ungrateful thing to say.  I didn't mean it. I'm so shocked that I even thought it for a second. I am beyond grateful for how Louise is turning out.  I know and remember every day when she spills or floods or gets at make-up that we could just as easily have been still trying to get her to roll over on a mat on the floor, or to utter her first word.  I am forever grateful.  But at that moment I was like the spoilt brats who spit at their parents on Twitter every Christmas complaining that they got a white instead of a black iPhone.

So while we all like to think that we would be the thankful leper....maybe we wouldn't.

You know the posts about thinking of what we're thankful for and then thank God for that?
I'm suggesting we make a list of the things we're not thankful for...and pray about those things.  And thank Him for all He does that we don't even appreciate and He does it anyway.

Maybe one or two of those lepers came back later? Who knows?

And finally, the wisdom of my husband who reminded me that doctors can do a lot with Louise's heart.  There would have been nothing they could have done to make her not disabled.  God doesn't do for us what we can do for ourselves.




Sunday, February 17, 2013

Marriage Worth Protecting

I came upon a website a few days ago and this post which really grabbed my attention.  The title itself would grab anybody's attention 16 Ways I Blew My Marriage.  I began reading it and couldn't stop.  When I came to the end of the post I noticed there was another post called The Other 15 Ways I Blew My Marriage...That makes it 31 ways this guy blew his marriage...or make that two marriages.  Who would want advice on marriage from somebody with such a poor track record?  Nobody you'd think, but this guy has clearly thought long and hard about what went wrong.  It takes great humility to take the blame for something so sad and momentous as a marriage break-up.  Not many achieve that and spend their lives blaming the other person or at least excusing themselves from blame with the 'it just didn't work out' line.



I don't need to write a treatise on the problems and pressures marriage is facing in today's culture, both from within and without.  Marriage is fragile, just like us, made of earthen vessels, easily broken when not protected.  So how did this man blow his marriages?  Did he cheat on his wife?  Was he cruel? Nasty? It doesn't appear that he was any of those things.  What really grabbed me was just how small and simple are the tiny fissures which can shatter the strongest of rocks from repeated freeze-thaw-freeze-thaw action.  The damage isn't noticeable when the fissures are microscopic but when the rock shatters, it's too late then.

There is not one of us who can say we're perfect.  Not one of us has the perfect spouse.  We are all struggling through.  Sometimes (as is my slightly over-dramatic tendency) I wonder to myself what if.  What if  John died?  What would be the things I'd regret not having done for him.  Believe me, the list is extensive and I don't think I'm all that bad as wives go. But I know those are the things that would play on my mind because time can't be relived, I'd be so sorry for not making his life nicer at those tiny moments.  They are always small, but small is important.  Then...what if I died...what would John be sorry about?   Not in a babyish 'he'll be sorry then' way but what would he regret he hadn't done a bit better?  What are the would haves, could haves, should haves?  The list I've come up with in my macabre thoughts is a lot shorter than mine but there are things...and maybe the fact that the first thing on this man's post is also the first thing I have on my imaginary list is maybe why I read it to the end.  Because it is long, and I know that people don't like to read long posts (so I'm sorry mine are always too long!)

Marriage can be shattered by huge destructive actions like adultery and addiction but as you will read, what breaks more marriages is the 'small stuff'.  You know the phrase 'Don't sweat the small stuff'  I've never really believed in that philosophy.  Yes sweat the small stuff because it's the small stuff that counts.  Small stuff that build up love and security, both in marriage and in every other sort of relationship.  Sweat the small stuff...love the small stuff...because usually that's all we have to offer.

So anyway, when I got to the end of the two posts I spotted that he has mad them available as a printable pdf document.  I'm linking it here and I'm going to ask you to join me in printing it off and sitting down with your spouse and have a read of it together.  The fact that it's not your marriage you're reading about it will be easier to discuss what you can personally do together to make your marriage better.  Every marriage can be improved, every person can be improved and I think the rewards to be reaped will be more than worth the effort.  It's easier to recognise where we fail ourselves than to have another (your spouse) point it out to you. Husbands...make sure you read this too, the marriage isn't just the project of your wife...it's your responsibility to be the husband God has called you to be.

Here's the link to the printable version.


Good luck with that and have fun.  Let me know what you think in the comments box.  I really am disproportionately delighted when a comment appears.





Sunday, February 10, 2013

Prostitution, Sex-Ed & Teenagers

Before I start I want to warn you that this post and the links within it are adult material.

At the moment I am researching a post on sexuality education for middle school aged children. I want to do it properly and recommend the best sites and resources because at that age it is important to respect the delicate innocence of childhood and not barge in in an inappropriate fashion...least of all grouped in with their  co-ed class peers. I have ordered quite a few bits and pieces to review before I write it.

In the meantime I want to write this important post because I think the two topics are linked. How we understand the human person, including ourselves, will definitely be reflected in our behaviour toward others in all the varying types of interactions we have, be it saying please and thank you to a shopkeeper to the way we treat people in the area of sexuality.

The organisation in my country which works tirelessly in the area of prostitution and trying to help those caught up in this degrading 'trade' to get out of it is called Ruhama. Only yesterday I read a post they put up about the sheer numbers of girls involved in prostitution in Ireland. Roughly up to 800 girls in every nook and cranny of the country, this number is verified by the police. On a very quiet night each if these girls sees 6 men. On a typical night 12-15. According to both police and Ruhama, there is no 'typical' man involved in buying sex, they come from every walk of life and if anything those with more disposable income are more likely to spend it in this way. This Irish survey on escort agency 'clients' comes up with some harrowing statistics.

I am not going to address the criminal aspect of prostitution here in this post, I don't have enough, or any, inside information to present that isn't available elsewhere. Instead, I want to have a look at the men and how I think there is a very real link between the erroneous understanding of the human person and the willingness to avail of prostitution.

These are 'ordinary' men, husbands, brothers, fathers, employers, work colleagues, men we meet in the normal activities of our days. They more than likely come across as decent guys. So what mindset leads to this shady and exploitative activity?

Very recently a joint charity fundraiser took place between a girls secondary school and the corresponding boys school in the same town. It was a 'Blind-Date' event along the lines of the very entertaining Cilla Black show of the 1990s. The teenage girls and boys took turns to ask the mystery contestants questions and choose who to go an a date with based on the answers. All of the contestants were aged between 15-18 and I am sad to say had between 11 to 14 years of 'Catholic' education completed. 11 to 14 years of captive audience who could have been given a foundation of excellence in how to look at other human beings.

In the presence of their peers and teachers from both schools here is a small example of the questions and answers that were received with great applause by not only the other students but also with great hilarity by the (in loco parentis) adult teachers to whom part of the responsibility of these young people's moral formation has been entrusted.

Girl: "Boy...Describe yourself in three words"

Boy: "Young, Fun and Full of ***"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girl: "Boy...what one item should you bring on a date?"

Boy: "A wheelchair. Because you'll need it by the time I'm finished with you!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Boy: "Girl...what is your favourite word?"

Girl. "Con-Tra-Cep-Tion"

(Out of all the beautiful, wondrous and uplifting things in the world, a teenage girl can find nothing more attractive than a chemical hormone which she has been led to believe will enable her to engage in consequence free sexual activity...I wonder where the condom for her human heart is?  To the best of my knowledge it has yet to be invented.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These are not even the most explicit examples, I wouldn't even write some of what those teenagers came out with.

It seems that out of 24 contestants, two boys and two girls did not come out with this type of answer. None of those four were 'picked'.

Now I know some will accuse me of prudishness, it's only a laugh and the kids are not actually intending to act out their 'bravado'.

However, that is not my point. My point is that this is the level of how (these) teenagers view the opposite sex and that they think it is acceptable to speak in such a demeaning way about themselves, their self-identity and their attitude to their peers of the opposite sex.  Their idea of a blind date was not to get to know the girl or boy in order to discern whether they would like to see more of them.  Rather, each teenager's expectation of the date was an opportunity for loveless, sexual activity with no regard for the actual person behind the screen.  I have spoken several times before in this blog about looking at a depersonalised version of the people we meet, I think it is demonstrated so strongly in this teenage event.

One of the saddest things that struck me about this, apart from how the adults stood over this demeaning behaviour in the other people's children they are supposed to be guiding.  I wondered whether the parents would be proud of a son implying that he would be so abusive to a girl he didn't even know as to suggest she'd need a wheelchair...by the time he'd  finished with her.  Would the girl's parents be content that this is what they'd hoped for their child?  Do we remember that not only girl hearts are precious?  Boy hearts are precious too.



That was terrible but I think even sadder is that both the boys and the girls who came out with the most sexually explicit and morally absent questions and replies were the ones who were 'chosen'.  In other words, teenagers not only are settling for less...they are actually seeking out the less.

The teenagers who were in the audience of this event thought the replies were cool and hilarious and really could see nothing at all wrong. I find it hard to believe that this school and these young people are any different, or worse than the vast majority of other schools.  I don't suggest that these are bad kids, I'm suggesting they haven't a clue about authentic sexuality, how sex has something to do with love, how it has something to do with permanence, how it has something to do with new life.  Why do young adults have such a poor understanding of their own nature?  Because it seems to me that the focus of sex education in schools in Western culture has little to do with aiming for excellence but rather is an exercise in damage control.

Now how is this related to prostitution? Yes, I know, the world of prostitution is many faceted and I have no intention whatsoever of giving a simplistic answer-I am just addressing this one thought.

At the expectation risk of being called over-reactive I can see a link.  According to police, by and large, the men who avail of prostitution are ordinary guys.  Is it such a surprise that boys who emerge from the education system with no concept of the personal and absolute precious value of the other are turning into men who think it's fine to pass money to a pimp for sexual 'services' from a precious, unique and unrepeatable person?

Prostitution can be tackled by criminalising the purchase of sex, by clamping down on human trafficking, by all sorts of legal channels.  But the problem is also a moral one.  Every single man who pays for sex is also someone.  When teenagers have such an empty understanding of sexuality, can we be surprised that every single night up to 9,600 'Ordinary Guys' have such little regard for themselves, for their families and most of all for the (usually trafficked) girls who they queue up for their turn to abuse.

In 2009 a research study was published into why men pay for prostitution.  It makes very disturbing reading.  Clearly there is a moral problem going on here.  No human fault ever just manifests itself fully blown out of nowhere.  All human attitudes and habits begin as something small...maybe in this case a simple 'joke' in a high-school fundraiser, where smutty answers at a blind date show  got a good laugh, even from the adults?

And that is why I am putting even more effort into finding good resources to recommend to help us guide the children and teens in our care to aim for the excellent way.  I can't end prostitution, but if one ordinary guy learns love and respect and self-giving, maybe instead of 9,600 men, there will be 9,599 and that one less will be your son.

One by one by one.  Lets DO it!!

And for our girls...check out this Dump Him List...


The last thing I'll say is I wonder about the wisdom of a school standing over this fundraiser, rude comments or not.  Teenage dating is a huge issue for many parents and is something which needs to be considered very carefully.  I'll blog about that another time.




Monday, February 4, 2013

My Lovely Day

This post isn't going to contain any profound thoughts or advice or observations.

This post is for me so that I'll remember a lovely day.

Today was the first time that somebody special took Louise for the day that wasn't to babysit her while I fulfilled something I needed to do or go somewhere pre-arranged.  Today was just for the joy of having her and to spend a special day with her before her surgery.  To be quite honest it was the first time in I can't remember when that I've actually had some unscheduled hours to fill.  It's definitely been before Louise was born and I'm thinking it was long before that too because during the entire pregnancy with her we were having work done on the house so there was plenty of hustle and bustle.  I never mind that or count the time or lack thereof that I have to myself but last night when it was confirmed that Louise was having her fun day away from me I started to wonder what I should do with this unusual situation.

I asked my husband what he thought I should do, I didn't want to waste it just cleaning the house again.  He said he thought I should put on some weepy songs for half an hour and have a cry.  Hmmm....good idea since he knows me so well...but that wasn't going to take up too much time.  Luckily my friend posted this first thing this morning so I got the cry out of the way early in the day.  This will make you cry.



So this is what I did-

First of all I whizzed around to make sure the house was orderly before Louise was collected to minimise temptation to clean the house.  Then I gave her her bath so that she would be sweet-smelling and curly for her special day.  Gave her morning break and waved goodbye.  

Then I had a coffee and a little treat I'd bought myself late-night shopping in the supermarket the evening before.

Then I sat there.

Debated whether I should grab the opportunity to deep clean the house after all.

Answered the phone to my husband who told me not to be ridiculous.

So I packed my gym bag and grabbed a three year old voucher I had for the adjoining spa to chance my arm that it might still be valid.

On the way I went to the bottle bank.

Then I went into the church where there is adoration and spent a little time there thinking of hospitals and machines and drain wounds and asked for some help.


Then I went to the gym/spa and 'innocently' asked to check out my voucher.  It turned out that unlike a lot of places, vouchers here don't become useless as time passes.  I was delighted and then a bit disappointed when she seemed doubtful whether there was a slot available today.  I didn't quite play 'my baby's having surgery' card but not far off it.  Well I managed to get a slot for a back massage a while later.  So first I went and did a quick workout and managed to dry my hair and put on make-up in a leisurely fashion for a change.  I had some time before my appointment so I headed back into town and had a wee nosey through the wool and patterns in this gorgeous shop which is in a part of the town I rarely have reason to be.  I didn't buy anything because I already have some unfinished projects but it was lovely to have a little look.


Back to the spa for my massage.  As I was getting ready the girl asked me whether I had tight muscles.  I answered no I didn't think so...



Then proceeded to float away in thoughts of  tropical beaches such as Pinterest is filled with...


...and tried to overlook the gritty crunching sound my muscles were making 
like the sound of a car driving over gravel...realising that maybe I was a bit stressed after all.

Then a few minutes to relax in the...well...relaxing area...


And then home in time for a silent coffee and my first 
online Piano Lesson in three years.

It took me quite a while to choose what song to start learning
but I finally settled on this...




Now if I can just find my smelling salts I can actually start learning the song...Oh swoon!!

I've mastered the first four notes.

Then the children came home.

I've really had a lovely day.



Saturday, January 26, 2013

Doll's Knickers

This morning Isabelle got a little glimpse of what she has missed out on by not having had the opportunity to meet her Grandma when she realised that this little pair of doll's knickers was made by my mother.



Look at the detail on them...properly hemmed at the waistline and the lace sewn on with a double row of stitching. That's just a little panties, it wasn't even going to be 'seen' as such, but it was just one of the many many beautifully crafted doll's clothes my mother made. Not alone that, she also made lovely dresses for us and it wasn't unknown for us to snuggle up at night wearing hand-made brushed cotton pyjamas. Our hats and gloves were always made in our favourite colours with matching or co-ordinating bobbles on top.

My mother had six children yet not one of us ever felt lacking for one-to-one time. We knew we and our dolls were special. We didn't have many or expensive toys but we never noticed that. In those days Santa Claus really did make toys. I remember one Christmas Santa delivered a beautiful doll's wardrobe which he must have painted just a few hours earlier, having first waited many long hours for six excited children to fall asleep. There was a little 'wet paint' sign hung on the door which was finished just like real furniture with those cute animal transfers typical of the 1970s.


When the recipient was finally given permission to carefully open the wardrobe, she was thrilled to find it filled with intricately crafted outfit after outfit, pyjamas, dressing gown, vests, knickers...all either carefully ironed and folded on one of the shelves or hanging neatly on tiny real wire hangers made by my father. It must have taken months for both my parents to complete that toy though it probably cost next to nothing in financial terms.

Other Christmases there were doll houses made from scratch, complete with hinged windows, doors and handmade furniture. (which withstood years of battery, I clearly remember the upturned tiled roof was a super see-saw!) a huge rag-doll called Flopsy, complete with amazing clothes (in fact to date I have yet to see a rag doll so lovely), quirky stuffed toys...and the thing is...I don't think my parents were that unusual.

What one of us thinks we have the time or ability to do all those things for our children? Personally I wouldn't even know where to start trying to make a dolls dress, properly made with darted bodice and pleated skirt. Though I can knit quite well (painstakingly taught by my mother when I was about 15) sewing is just not my forte. I have never knit an item of clothes for a doll. I do bits and pieces of crafts, baking reading aloud and suchlike with my children but it pales in comparison to what my parents did for all of us.

What has happened? By and large families were relatively larger and poorer than they are now, and yet mothers had time and the will to do all that. I know we never had a shop bought birthday cake or a dinner out of a box. We had home made bread, pies, real toffee and fudge, even our easter-eggs were made by my mother, and nobody thought that was unusual. If that happened now you'd be Queen of Pinterest. We'd seek acclaim on FaceBook and Blog about our skills. (Well I would anyway!!)

The saddest thing of all is that the history and memories of those times in my country are horribly marred and distorted by the heinous acts of brutality and abuse inflicted by some. It has come to the state that if you say something good about the past the answer is quite likely to be "Ah yea, that was nice for you...but..." The permission to have happy memories has all but been snatched away. Part of the far reaching effect of sin. The innocent are tarred with the guilty.

Well, as I look fondly at that little pair of dolly knickers, I'll tell you this...I'm not ashamed to say my mother was a great woman...my father was and is a great man. They were the norm. People were good. They were selfless and hard working and uncomplaining. I'm not going to apologise that I had an idyllic childhood. It's not wrong to have a good childhood even if another child does not. What's wrong is that that child is not treated well, or cared for, or loved. God wants all children to have a happy childhood, not that everyone is dragged down to the lowest common denominator. Let's aim to raise the bar. Let's aim to emulate the good parents of previous generations, not throw ditch water at them and trample on their memory for something they knew nothing of.

I am convinced my mother was a great saint. I am convinced that many of the adults I knew growing up were great saints. I honour their memory. I am thankful for a happy childhood. My heart breaks for the lost childhoods of the past just as it does for the lost childhoods of today. The  abused children whose suffering at this moment is brushed under the carpet because it serves no politically correct agenda. The non-national teenagers and young adults who as I write this are victims in this very country of human sex trafficking, who are going to be raped by men of my generation tonight and who some pimp is going to become rich from.  The women who in this week weep lost children, all 55 million in USA, all 7 Million in UK. The uncounted Irish lost...

Oh yes my heart breaks for human suffering and all the more to resolve that children will have a happy childhood like I had...that dolls will have little garments made by loving hands, that children can play in their pyjamas in a warm room in a secure environment knowing they are cherished. How to do that? By protecting families. By protecting marriage, not ripping it to shreds.  By protecting the relationship between woman and man. By not succumbing to the idea that everyone is there to serve me, to give me pleasure, to fit my plan or purpose. What a selfish way to live. The parents of the 50s, 60s 70s and earlier knew how to GIVE. Maybe they didn't have psychological studies or parenting gurus to consult, but they knew that a little pair of lace knickers, small enough for a dolly made for the turning out of secure adults. The investment was total. I hope to God I can live up to even a shadow of that standard.

Thank You Mammy...I am forever grateful for the hours you spent stitching tiny clothes, making dinners and passing on the knowledge of secure love. Thank You. xxx


Wednesday, January 23, 2013

A Little Bit Of Geneva In All Of Us

When I was quite a newly-wed, my husband and I travelled to France to spend the Easter holidays with a friend who was in his class in Med School.  Six of us made the three day journey from Ireland to the French-Swiss border in two cars-our friend's (who was staying on after we returned to Ireland), and ours.  So the journey home comprised of five of us my little old Toyota  Starlet.


 The five of us (not counting all our luggage) included my husband the driver, two young women, a 6 foot something young man and me...6 months pregnant.


The poor tall student  bravely tried to be chivalrous to the pregnant lady, but every so often his long legs just had to be afforded the slightly more generous leg space of the front seat.  Comfortable it was not.  However, it was my first trip to France so I was delighted in spite of that.  The trip promised the added attraction of visiting Switzerland, possibly the most picturesque place I've ever seen, reminiscent of The Sound of Music...just gorgeous.

Well we did visit Switzerland, I have clear memories of a mountain picnic and me slipping and sliding on the snow of  the Swiss-French Alps, admiring the view of Mont Blanc and trying to ignore the fact that the only footwear I had brought was a thin pair of slip-on shoes. 



 We ate cheese stew in the village of Greuyere and we went shopping in Geneva.

Now I have to remind you that at that time, Ireland was and always had been pretty much one of the poorest European countries.  Luxury was the exception and high end designer brands were more or less sold in a designated corner of one or two expensive department stores.  In Geneva there were no department stores that I could see of.  Every designer, brand-name and luxury item had it's own designated store.  A shop selling just ONE brand?? Wow!  Everywhere you looked was luxury and opulence.

(Orange juice in Geneva and me looking quite nicely pregnant and sitting beside our long-legged friend!)

  Not a single person was cheaply or shabbily dressed (apart from us that is:-))  From shoes to shades to designer pedigree dog, everything was the best on the market.  The cars were all top of the range.  My goodness...even the Policemen looked like they were off a Hollywood movie set with their cool boots and chains.  John and I looked and looked for something we could buy as a souvenir of our holiday.  In the end, the only thing in the entire country we could afford was 

This:


(we still have it!)

It cost us an arm and a leg!

Well anyway, I remember commenting to John on that trip to Geneva that it would be very difficult for a person living in that sort of material opulence not to be touched by it.  It's easy to resist the lure of consumerism and materialism when nobody around you has any money.  It's a different matter when you're the exception.  Then it's a struggle.  If everyone around you is wearing Italian designer clothes, you could be tempted to feel a bit inferior in your Marks & Spencer outfit.  You have to make a constant effort to not succumb to avarice and envy.

So here's where I get to my point...WHY do I think I need an iPad?


A few years ago we were visiting friends in Scotland.  One of the husbands works in IT and he was explaining to us what an iPod was.  His wife showed us her new iPod nano and how she could hold all her songs there, so tiny, such a clear quality sound...

...I WANTED ONE!!!

Christmas came and on cue, a blue iPod appeared under the Christmas tree, along with a black one I bought my metal fan husband.


Oh wow! I couldn't believe it! All my...songs...all 300 of them!  Before long I had discovered podcasts, games, it was beyond my wildest dreams.  I'd rave to anyone who was interested enough to listen how they could find the best podcasts, how you could listen to them while you were cleaning. Just Wow!

That was until a few years later I heard of the iPhone.

I got it for my birthday...in a box...


Now this really was beyond my wildest dreams...
Even opening the box was a sublime experience!

We could never have even imagined an iPhone when I was growing up.

It came just in time for me to be in hospital with my little girl.
It would help pass the time.
  I could keep in touch,
 I could update her blog.
 In fact it was the hospital which was the trigger for getting it.

That was an iPhone 3GS and I still have it.


Last autumn when our little girl started to become noticeably breathless indicating that she needs her next operation, I joked to John that I'll need an iPad for the hospital.  I was half joking whole in earnest and as time has ticked by I have been thinking more about getting one.  Maybe an iPad mini? I've priced them. I've looked at them, I've asked around. 

So when we met the surgeon last week and he indicated Louise's operation will be in the next few weeks I had a little panic...I've no iPad...what will I do??!! Who will lend me one??!!

A few days ago John asked me  'Why do you need an iPad?'

I had no answer.  My phone does everything an iPad can do.  If I want to watch movies we have a little DVD player.  Last time it was actually a small radio John brought in that kept me most company.  I have a pile of books I'm dying to read but never have time.  One thing you have in hospital is time...plenty of it.  Once Louise wakes up she'll need her Mammy, not an iPad.  

I had to admit it...I don't need an iPad.

Do I want one?

Yes.

  The way I want to go to Disney World, 
the way somehow everyone wants to go to Disney World.



Do I need one?

Definitely not.

I wanted an iPad because other people have an iPad.  They look cool and fun.  They're bigger than my phone but mainly I wanted one because I had unknowingly stepped onto the ever increasingly slippery slope of consumerism.  My iPhone 3 is beyond magic to me.  It tells me how to get where I want to go, I can watch a (little) movie if I want, I can photograph my children, I can Facebook my friends, it tells me how to get rid of that stain or what to make for dinner.  There's beauty and news on there, or a debate if I so choose.  How did I get to the point where I was looking at it a feeling a little bit...well...shabby...compared to my friends who have an iPhone 5 or an iPad, or something else I'd like.

I think it's because there's a little bit of Geneva in all of us.